Finding Courage in 2022
It’s Sunday, January 9th. I am sitting across from my (as of recently short haired) husband at a wonderful coffee shop, and I am writing. Yes, actually writing for fun again.
I used to write all of the time. I love writing and emailing it to you all, I love recording videos and talking, and I love posting pictures with long captions that share what I’m feeling. No matter which medium it is, I just love to share and express myself.
In 2021 I wrote for a magazine column, which was so great and I felt really made a difference, but even just the monthly column turned writing into a job for me instead of a hobby, so I wrote less for fun. To add to that, the accident happened I found it much harder to share things because I was just processing SO much information.
Inspired once again by Glennon Doyle, I am really just here to give to you all by sharing experiences I have in my life. The writing is not perfect, and the stories and experiences I share aren’t super grand or climactic, but there is always a lesson or something to take away from it. I think that the more that we share our experiences in a way that is true and authentic to ONLY us, we change and shape the lives of those around us. I know that I can give someone something by sharing my experiences, even if I effect just one person.
That being said, let’s talk about 2022 so far.
I welcomed in the new year in Nashville dancing the night away with my best friend and her husband. Brent was in Tampa for a football game- a few people asked me if I was sad that we weren’t together on New Years night, but to us, it’s just another day! I think every moment is special and exactly as it should be. He got to spend time with his friends at a football game, and I got to dance the night away. It was a win win and we both were present, enjoying our time exactly where we were.
The following Sunday after little sleep and being annoyed by how many men tried to make passes at me, I drove back to Jonesboro early and settled into my space, alone. I burned my palo santo, sat and meditated, and unpacked my bags. At 28, I have basically have to reset after staying up past midnight.
On New Years Day I walked my tired self over to Nirvana, which is a hot yoga studio downtown that is literally .1 miles from me. I rolled out my mat between two dear friends I hadn’t seen in a while and knew that 108 sun salutations was the goal. After practicing yoga for 9 years and teaching for 5, I’ve done this new year ceremony a few times.
A sun salutation, a salute to the sun, is done 108 times at the changes of seasons, and often done as a ceremonial practice at on New Year’s Day. 108 (which also my favorite number) is representative of several things: In Ayurvedic practices, there are 108 sacred points in the body. There are also 108 Upanishads (a series of Hindu sacred treaties about enlightenment written in Sanskrit from approximately 800–200 BC) in ancient yogic texts. There are 12 zodiac signs and 9 planets, which when multiplied equal 108. Many buddhist templates have 108 steps to enlightenment, and the distance between earth and the sun is 108 times the diameter of the sun.
To be 100% honest, 108 sun salutations does NOT feel good to my hamstrings the next day. If anything I’ve learned from the accident it’s that I need to listen to my body and co-create with it. To me, this ceremony isn’t isn’t about completing the 108 sun salutations , but truly it’s about taking 90 minutes to close my eyes, move my body and connect with intentions for the year. And that’s exactly what I did. Before I began, I asked myself this question:
What do I want to cultivate, embody, and manifest more of in myself in 2022?
After I had my answers, I used them as my mantra for the practice (something you repeat to yourself over and over again). I repeated the mantras in sync with my breath. It was such a spiritual practice. (Even with my mind wandering off part of the time. Yes, this is normal).
So what do I want to embody in 2022? For some reason, all of the answers started with C’s, and there were five words that just authentically popped up.
Control.
Connection.
Confidence.
Consistency.
Concentration.
Control in the terms of my binge eating. From the year of 2018 to 2021, I had a pretty severe and frequent binge eating disorder. I know my triggers, and I actually have it under control without an episode for 9 months now, which is amazing. Sometimes I start to lean towards these addictive like tendencies again, and I have to remind myself how much control I have over my external actions, even when I want to resort back to these old patterns internally when I’m stressed or anxious.
Connection in terms of a connection to inner knowing and the present moment (good or bad). Without connection to myself, I won’t ever live moments of life to their fullest. Without this connection to myself, I feel lost. When i follow my intuition, my pings, my “inner knowing”, I know that everything happens exactly as it should. Other people’s opinions will always be there, but if I go with my gut, I live a life that is full and happy, and it is the life I was meant to live. I also want to focus on my connection with others! I have such amazing people and moments in my life, and I want to connect with them FULLY, not partially. At the end of the day, the connection that I have with others, whether it be through social media or in person, is what brings me the most joy and satisfaction. The end.
Confidence in terms of how I view myself. Confidence is something that I have always struggled with, as the fear of judgement of others has held me back. What will they think of me if I wear this? If I post this? What if I don’t succeed? What if nobody reads this at all? All of these thoughts have really held me back, when I really just need to step into confidence and share what I love, what is authentic to me. When I start to think about what others think of me, I remember that i’m not for everyone, and that’s okay. People are going to judge you no matter what you do, so just be you. I already have this confidence inside of me, I just need to lean into it. I really do love who I am and what I’ve created in this world (and that’s not a bad or vain thing).
Consistency in terms of my tasks. I have a LOT of ideas. A lot. I want to write, continue to pursue my degree and develop this passion as a career, built my own app, open up a coffee shop (helloooo hours of learning and googling!), write a book, etc., etc., etc. There is no shortage of ideas that comes from my brain. However, sometimes I can get excited about an idea, pursue it for a bit, and then not be consistent with carrying it out. I tend to multi-task, when I really just need to focus on one thing at a time. I know that one of my weaknesses is consistency, so I am committing to doing the work to overcome it. Writing down what i need to do in a day, setting realistic goals, having downtime, and always following my gut has very much helped with this.
Concentration in my tasks is something that I have also struggled with. In 2022, I want to be able to focus on tasks for longer periods of time. Putting my phone away, spending less time on social media scrolling (but still creating - which makes me very happy), getting plenty of sleep, and a consistent reading practice are steps I am taking to help improve my concentration on a task.
Speaking of consistency…. you’ll now be receiving my thoughts every Friday.
These emails might entail something like this where I just talk about life and what’s going on, knowing in my gut that someone reading this will take something from it. Often, it will be recipes, as sharing recipes (especially smoothie bowls) is something that brings me SO MUCH FREAKING JOY, and people really tend to love it. Sometimes it will be tips or updates.
I want to connect with YOU. From the bottom of my heart. See you next Friday.
XO, B
For more information on 108 and the practice: