How to Deal with Changes in Life
“The only thing constant is change”
- Heraclitus, a Greek Philosopher
I heard this quote in a yoga class when I was 18 and I am pretty sure I rolled my eyes. What kind of quote is that?! Things will change, but I can control it! I can bring in the good and let go of the bad if I plan it out enough!
10 years later (wow, it’s crazy to type that out!), I now see and feel the deep truth of this quote! Our lives are ever changing, whether it be the cashier that we love to see at the grocery store moving across the country, the context of a relationship with a friend that you’ve had for 10 years, the places we live, our physical bodies, and of course, the way we view life.
Change is something that we cannot control (although we do try very hard!), and it will present itself no matter what. However, we aren’t really taught how to deal with it. When changes happen in life, we either embrace it or we resist it. Some people can just ebb and flow naturally with anything that comes their way (lucky ducks!). However, my type A self definitely is the resister of change. My brain says: wait, I’m happy with my career and my friends and things are working out… I will do everything in my power to fight to keep it this way!
Even when it’s good change, I used to (and still do) have a hard time coping with it. For example, I lived in a 700 square foot apartment with brown walls that couldn’t be painted for FOUR years… when I moved into my loft, which I truly manifested, I still felt a bit uncomfortable. Even though it was such an upgrade with more space, light, windows, and character, I felt uneasy because things were not going to be the same anymore. I would never be in the exact same spot again, and that made me uneasy.
But even good things will pass. In Brené Brown’s new series (episode 4), an audience member mentions the Portuguese word saudade, which translates to the internal feeling “I know things will never be like this again”. It’s a form of bittersweetness, a knowing that all moments will pass. Even the good ones.
When good emotions arise (joy, genuine connection to others, loving another person), we cling to it. We want to hold onto it so tight and keep our life that way. When things bring us emotions that are not as great, we want to get rid of that part of our lives immediately. However, life brings both, and we must accept them both!
Since have not been taught to deal with change, so we often suffer when it does. It can sometimes debilitate us when it does come (because it will, my love!). The more we resist it, the harder we make it on ourselves. We can change this though! We can release our white knuckle grip and learn to be at peace with what comes.
Life is meant to ebb and flow - that is the pure nature of it. Relationships, friendships, and phases of life will come and go, and we must be able to deal with it if we want to truly be at peace in our lives.
So, what are some practical ways we can deal and cope with changes in life?
The only way to deal with change is acceptance of it. This is a letting go of the good things instead of clinging to them, which is our natural nature.The non-clinging takes practice, beautiful! This also includes the acceptance of things that aren’t comfortable. When change arises in your life, look at what ways you are resisting it, then slowly change those habits. Practice just letting happen, because it will happen anyways! You are growing either way.
Replace the clinging with gratitude. When good things will leave your life, instead of fighting so hard to keep it the same, simply close your eyes and have a deep appreciation for it. Feel it in every part of your body. You experienced something good in life, and that is such a gift. It served its time, and now it is passed so that something even greater or a lesson can come along for you next.
Place less of your identify into your external environment. You are not your home, your job, and even how good of a friend or lover you are. You are a conscious being in a human body. If you lost everything tomorrow, you’d still be that human being. The internal never changes.
You must strengthen your internal environment. I truly believe that one thing doesn’t change: your consciousness and groundedness. The more connected you are to you, your essence, the more accepting you can be of all of the external changes that come your way, good or bad, whether that be a relationship ending, a job change, a family member passing, moving to a new city, or even your favorite store closing down.
Remember this: things come in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Everything teaches us a lesson, so what did you learn from this life experience? Please know, deep in your soul, that things in life are cyclical. They are supposed to change because life is always teaching you different lessons. Have gratitude for the good things and even appreciate the bad things. Accept it all.
Be excited for the future. Even if you think you would like it, life would be boring if it was always the same! God, or whatever higher consciousness you believe in, is constantly sending you gifts and lessons. As you grow and evolve as a human being here on this earth, each thing that is presented teaches you something, and then you move onto the next! It’s fun and exciting, because you get to know yourself better and better and ultimately become happier and more resilient! It’s really fun when you embrace the changes in life instead of fighting them (which also frees up a lot of energy!), because you slowly just become more connected, more at peace, and full of joy for this beautiful, ever changing life that you have!
Sending you so much love, beautiful! Let go, and flow with life.
Xx, Bethany