Alexandra Farmer x BDW: Social Media Tips

May 30

“Four months ago, I deleted Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok. Here’s what happened.”

The Breakup

I broke up with social media for a lot of reasons. Mainly, I was tired of thinking, “I’ll just look at Instagram for 10 minutes,” only to wake up from a scrolling-induced fever dream 45 minutes later to find myself watching a video of a “Karen” losing her shit at a kid on a skateboard. Not to mention, after any social media binge, I never felt the same or better but always worse.

I’d double-down on this anxiety by shaming myself for “wasting” time. And then I’d get meta with it, scolding myself for feeding into the capitalistic narrative that I’m useless unless I’m productive… I’d literally shame myself for shaming myself. (As you can tell, my brain is super fun.)

So in January, I got off the digital rollercoaster I never really asked to be put on in the first place.

In the weeks that followed, my mental health drastically changed. I’d wake up in the morning and for the first time in over a decade didn’t automatically reach for my phone. I’d pet my cats instead of looking at videos of cats and read my book that had been gathering dust on my nightstand for weeks.

It was also so much easier to find the time to do my morning meditations and yoga instead of rushing to get ready to sit down at my desk by 9 AM. It was honestly wonderful. I described this period to Bethany on the phone yesterday, telling her I was “vibing,” and, guys, it was a VIBE.

Getting Back Together

The irony is I work in communications and marketing.

So since it’s kind of literally my job to understand the social media landscape and create brand identities and media strategies for my clients, I resentfully reentered the world of Instagram (but am still successfully avoiding Facebook and TikTok for now!).

At first, after re-downloading Instagram and creating a new account, I’d only get on it for client needs, so my screen time remained pretty reasonable. But eventually, and what felt like inevitably, it sank its claws back into my brain.

Before you’re like, “okay, boomer,” I do think there are a lot of pros to social media—I discovered my neurodivergence through an online TikTok community that was super affirming and really missed keeping up with our beloved Bethany during my social media hiatus as well.

What sucks though is that Meta (the company that owns Facebook and Instagram) doesn’t really care how you’re using social media, just that you are using it. So to make beaucoup advertiser bucks, its main goal is to keep you scrolling. Not happy. Not chatting with friends. Scrolling.

And studies show that mindlessly scrolling on social media can have extremely negative mental health effects. But on the flip side, actively engaging with others on social media and creating original content can actually improve mental health. So as always, the conversation is more nuanced than some binary consideration of using social media or not using it at all.

Learning Boundaries

Sooo, yeah, turns out my mindless, zombie-esque, dead-eyed scrolling was not doing wonders for my brain. Who knew?!

Now, I’m trying to re-negotiate this complicated relationship with this highly-addictive app. Ultimately, for me, the cons still seem like they outweigh the pros—especially given the ways in which Meta has changed the Instagram experience to be even more scroll-centered, i.e. focusing on reels, embedding Instragam posts and ads into your feed from accounts you don’t even follow, etc.

BUT, the girls (and guys) who get it, get it, and I gotta pay my bills. So I’m trying to look at this as an exercise in self-control and being intentional about how I spend my time.

Here are some ways I’m trying to do that. If you too have ever wondered why you’re watching an ASMR video of a woman eating a live octopus at 8 AM on a Wednesday, these tips might be helpful:

Delete the apps

I deleted my Instagram app from my home screen, which doesn’t always work since I can still search for it and open it that way. But it does help to create some user friction in getting to it.

Interrupt the urge

When I reach for my phone now—those times when it’s purely and horrifyingly out of habit—I try to interrupt the action and ask myself, “why am I reaching for my phone right now?” “Why do I want to get on Instagram?” “What’s really going on here?”
This has also been a great exercise in being more aware of my feelings because 9 times out of 10, I reach for my phone when I’m anxious or wanting to avoid something.

Replace the scroll

If I successfully don’t get sucked into the app, I try to replace looking at Instagram with something else, like going on a walk, meditating, or reading my book.

Don’t let Mark Zuckerberg win

When I decide that I do want to get on social media, I try to be really mindful of the content I’m consuming and interacting with.
I’ve found that a great way to do that is to just go directly to the pages of the people or accounts I typically enjoy and that make me feel good instead of relying on my feed.

Once I’m on these pages, I try to engage with other people—since it’s not really “social” media if we’re not actually being social.

Don’t do the “for you” page. Really. Don’t do it. You won’t regret it. Instagram’s algorithm is not your friend. It may occasionally show you some interesting, funny, and helpful things, but that can take a turn if you spend a little too much time looking at something controversial or weird (and deliberately really seductive!!).

Create stuff (!!!)

Make things!! It’s what we humans do. We’re meant to make meaning, paintings, bread, sweaters, articles, gardens, coffee shops (!!), and, yes, sometimes “content.”
SHARE the things you make on or off social media with 1 or 1 million people.

If you’ve made it this far, what I’m really trying to say is don’t let social media make you think you’re meant to sit by and watch life happen. Be an active participant in this weird, little world we get to call home. Yell at a kid on a skateboard! Eat a live octopus at 8 AM on a Tuesday!!! Or, okay, maybe don’t do those things, but you get what I mean. Figure out what makes you feel alive and present and do more of that—whether that’s on social media or not.

B’s perspective:

Just to add in a little bit at the end, I will say that my relationship with social media is so similar. Like most of us, I have to take frequent breaks and often do. My social media experience started to take up a significant amount of time in my life (and my brain) in 2019 when I was “shouted out” by an influencer and gained about 2,000 followers in a few hours.

Since that shoutout, as well as the pressure to promote my yoga practice from a studio I worked at, I’ve been on social promoting a brand (this brand) ever since. The upside: it’s connected me with so many people. The downside: it never ends. The amount of time I used to spend creating seeing if the landing page had the right color scheme, the time I spent looking up quotes, yoga photos, and more was taking up a lot of my brain power; and sucking the joy out of what social media can really do - connect us.

Now, my relationship is great with it. I practice the phrase “creation over consumption”. I love to create things, share wellness topics, recipes. yoga photos, and more, but I don’t really spend much time scrolling. That alone has drastically changed my mental health.

To the influencers, I’ve dabbled my toes in it and I feel the strain it has. No stranger to this, I wrote a blog about having a healthy boundary with social media alllllll the way back in 2019. Mind the typos, I was in grad school and not as great of writer, but I don’t want to change it.

I hope that mine and Alexandra’s perspective can help you with your relationship with social media. Being connected in this way can be so great, but it can also be detrimental to our mental health if used wrongly.

WE LOVE YOU. Happy creating, deleting, and not consuming as much. 💘

Bethany Davis