A healthy boundary with social media
Scroll… scroll… scroll… click… oh my gosh, has it been 30 minutes?!
We’ve ALL been here. We’ve been sucked into autopilot mode that takes over when we get hooked into looking at what other people are doing, thinking about what we want to post, and following peoples stories from one to the next. Time flies by, and before we know it we’ve wasted time not only not being productive, but not really even ENJOYING looking at other’s posts. It’s even harder for me because I run two other social media accounts for some extra work/pay on the side. I’ll be on social media a lot between classes and at night for “work” and making sure things look good. It’s great and I love it, but it can become a time suck for mindlessness if I’m not careful.
I love to keep up with what others are up to and what’s going on, but I think that social media use can become toxic when it just becomes a habit. We click on the app when we’re bored and begin to scroll through peoples things and like them without even reading the full caption. If you think about it (or even look around right now if you’re in a public place) it happens ALL THE TIME. If it’s quiet at an event, if you’re bored in the classroom, or if you are by yourself… what do you do? Open Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, or Twitter. From one to the next, we just keep ‘scrolling in the deep’.
Why is it that it has become the norm to grab onto something when we are bored? We have to keep our attention constantly occupied. Isn’t it okay to be bored? Isn’t that where creativity comes from?!
I post to social media all the time. I love sharing my experiences, tasty food, yoga videos/photography, messages that resonate with people, class schedules, motivation to workout, and all the fun stuff. It’s such a fun creative outlet that has come into our lives in the last 10 years, and I REALLY enjoy it. It’s not some people’s thing, I get it, but to me it is honestly just so fun. In return, I love to look up new recipes, yoga flows, check in on what my friends are doing and where they are traveling, what books they are reading, and encourage people to be themselves! In addition, I have SO many people though social media that I would’ve never met otherwise, and I now have dear friends in my life that I cherish because we first met through mutual interests on social media. This is the healthy part of social media.
The unhealthy part includes the endless scrolling, the comparison game, the “i wish I was there", “I wish I looked like that”, the decrease in social skills, and the decrease in productivity that comes along with using this tool. Not to mention it pretty much decreases our attention span in our every day tasks and sucks the energy out of us. I’ve totally been here: constantly comparing myself to others, endlessly scrolling/wasting so much time, and feeling worse about myself at the end. But I have FINALLY pulled myself out of it.
Like a good piece of cake, you want to have social media in moderation.
So, here are some of the tips that I have to find a healthy boundary of social media. You don’t want to use it too much, but you don’t want to cut it out completely (or maybe you totally do), but finding a balance in the middle is the key.
Setting “times” for social media throughout the day. For example, I allow myself to get on social media three times per day (almost like meals); in the morning, mid-day, and in the evening. This allows me catch up on everything, post what i need to for work/personal, and some time to shut off my brain. Of course, it doesn’t always go like this, but I generally try to stick to getting on social media three times per day. It may be one time a day for you, it may be five, just work with where you are.
Turn off your notifications. I have NO notifications on for Instagram, Facebook, or Messenger (i’m super old and still refuse to get snapchat). Nothing dings when I get a message, a like, a follower, a comment, or anything of that sort. These notifications aren’t HEALTHY! I don’t want constant ‘dings’ fighting for my attention. Once the notification pops up, we click on it and are back in a time-suck. When I want to take time to respond to people or comment, I make sure that it is intentional, and not because I was “dinged” to do so. This helped my productivity levels substantially.
Don’t look at likes/followers. You’re value is NOT based on the number of followers/likes you have. Period. This number does not define your worth. For some people, this is important because of sponsorships and promoting things, but unless you are looking to get paid through social media you shouldn’t really look at this. It’s setting you up for comparison and the coolest people I know have the least amount of followers.
Set a timer for scrolling. Okay, so you want to check out what other people are doing: set up a 15 minute timer and allow yourself just that much time. Don’t go down the ‘story’ black hole. Watch them for a bit, enjoy them, be MINDFUL about what you’re watching, and then turn it off and get back to the story that is right in front of you in your real life.
Think about how you look at posts; Take a step back, observe and consider how a post is making you feel. Are you happy for that person? Is this post informational? Beautiful? Making you grow? Impacting the way you do things in the future? Are you living through someone else, jealous of them, or trying to be like them? Posts are something to enjoy in for a short amount of time, and then you move on with the rest of YOUR life. You are not your life trying life like someone else’s posts.
How about just posting and not scrolling? I have done a lot of this recently. I want to share the cool places I travel, the yummy meals I get to eat, and the amazing views, but I don’t really feel like scrolling, so I don’t. I post what I did that day and then I put my phone down. You don’t have to be sucked into everyone else’s story, you can just share yours, and then put your phone down. Posting and looking at posts don’t go hand and hand; you can do one without the other!
Do not get on social media when you’re spending time with friends or when you’re at a meal. Sure, take a cute picture of your meal if you’d like, but put the phone AWAY!! I am so sick of looking around when spending time with people to see that they are texting, on social media, or whatever. If you want to post to your story, that’s also totally cool! Post it, thenput it down; don’t just stare at your screen the entire night and glance up occasionally, even if the event is super boring. It’s not a good quality to have as a friend. You’re looking at other’s lives instead of living your own, right there. When it comes to meals, it’s a lot easier to enjoy your meal when you get OFF of your phone. Plus, you’ll proabably over-eat less Look at the person in front of you, look around, read some news, listen to a podcast, call a friend.
Share what you love. Let it show the best parts of you. What do YOU love? What do you want to share with the world? What is something in your life that you would love if other people were doing? What makes you YOU? Is it dancing around? Is it your career? Is it yoga? Is it a hobby? A book? What sets YOU on fire? This is what you should share. Share what you LOVE, don’t just post something because you feel like you have to. If you don’t want to share a single thing, then don’t. Social media is an adjunct, not a necessity.
Being real, but not complaining to the world. And that’s just that. You shouldn’t just post the “happy”, but you should post the real stuff, too. That being said, don’t post about how much you hate your boss or classmate… show the real side of you, but don’t whine. There is DEFINITELY a difference. You need to have a healthy boundary with social media that includes not using the world as your therapist, but also not just posting how perfect/amazing your life is and how nothing is ever wrong. That’s definitely not real, and it isn’t healthy for other people to see.
Connect with a community. Like I said in the introduction of this blog, the amount of people I have connected with through instagram is ASTOUNDING! I’ve traveled to Aruba, met friends from Fayetteville to New York City, become friends with people right here in Jonesboro, learned about physical therapy resources, had job opportunities, and so much more through the usage of social media. I use social media to reach yoga students here in the area as well. Reach out to people who have similar interests! You don’t have to MEET them (not promoting catfishing), but you can definitely message with them and learn something NEW!
Being mindful with my usage with gaze shifting. This one is going to sound crazy, but sometimes I hold the phone in my hand, and then just shift my gaze to my hand. I look at myself HOLDING the phone. I look at my feet, I look at my surroundings, and I take it ALL in. I become present with my usage of social media. I know that in this very moment: I am using social media. When you don’t break eye contact with the screen, you are literally LOCKED in, so when I’m able to take my mind off of what’s on the screen and what is AROUND the screen (even for a moment), I can go back to the screen with a little more mindfulness. I can look at my friend’s photo of her in New York City, and think about how she must feel being there… I don’t just look at it, double tap it, then keep trucking to the next post.
Look at the reasons you use to social media. Is it to fill a void? Because you’re bored? Because it’s a habit? Dig into your WHY. If it’s to connect with others and share what you love, great! If it’s for any other reason, think about if you turn to social media as a crutch.
I hope this helps. less screen, more real life.
xo
