A break from teaching yoga

Currently, it’s 3:19 in the morning on April 1st, 2020. After being quarantined in for 2 and a half weeks, I am truly unsure of what a regular schedule is like anymore. I have been keeping up with somewhat of a routine, but honestly between moving, clinical rotations being cancelled, not teaching/working, and 10,000 other things my schedule is anything but regular.

More specifically, not teaching and moving is what has me out of wack.

May of 2020 will mark four years from graduating from teacher training. Four years from the first time I stepped on a mat in front of people to teach a yoga class, quite literally apologizing to them for “what is about to happen”; my public speaking skills were absolute garbage in my undergraduate years. I remember teaching 3 people outside on the balcony of my gym. It was beautiful outside and was early in the morning so I was able to see the sun rise . I lead a flow that I wrote down that was FOUR pages long. Barely 22, I didn’t realize how much teaching yoga was going to impact me.

The first few years of me teaching marked substantial growth for my leading of classes. At first, I taught one class a week because I had just started graduate school. It looked forward to it every week, as I became more confident in my teaching style and figuring out what how I wanted to teach, the type of music i wanted to play, the words I used, and the message I wanted to convey. I took inspiration from several teachers from all different places, including but not limited to Stephanie Birch, Lara Heimann, Rachel Brathen, and Morgan Tyler. Following these four ladies and then figuring out they type of teacher I wanted to be took several years.

I eventually started teaching at more studios over time, eventually adding classes into my schedule as I took an entire year off from physical therapy school. My teaching schedule went from 2, to 3, to 5+ classes per week sometimes on top of an already busy schedule. I taught at older studios, newer studios, gyms, etc. And just like any job, sometimes I didn’t want to do it… but every time I would teach I would feel so amazing afterwards. A light would fill my chest and I would feel more grounded and more connected not just with others, but with myself.

And I still feel that way! But it’s a little bit different now.

Diving myself into what I thought I wanted, I chose to volunteer myself for a social media job at a yoga studio. I am active on social media and had experience in a little bit of marketing, so I dove right in head first. And while the studio owner and I didn’t see eye to eye on every post, I loved the job because I was marketing something that I loved: yoga. Not only that, but I love everything about yoga photography (and have for years!) So the ability to get behind the camera was so fun to me.

Regardless of the love for it, it gave me a lot of anxiety. The constant need to perform, post, and “market” yoga was exhausting. Hashtags, daily posts, campaigns, likes, how many people we were reaching, and the constant need to change what I thought looked great to what the studio needed was a lot for me. In the end, the social media job didn’t end up working out for me. Not because I wasn’t good at it, but because I wasn’t what the studio needed. Two people can have very different views on the exact same thing and it is not that one is “better” or “worse” than the other; just different.

Once I was done with social media, I focused my effort on teaching at my usual places. My goal with teaching yoga is share the connection that the practice has brought me: a love of myself, a connection with others, a connection with my breath, a connection with my true intentions, and of course the movement aspect of it.

I recently did photography for a yoga studio (for free) in exchange for classes. I was not teaching at this studio at the time, so to get free classes in exchange for something that I like doing was a KILLER deal (there a lot of amazing, amazing things about yoga that I could never describe in one blog, but I will say that getting to practice for free if you teach at a studio is a great perk). I did this for about two weeks when another yoga studio informed me that this was a conflict of interest, and I was let go. Not only was I let go, but I was asked to return the key, not to practice the next day, and blocked from their social media altogether.

Ouch. Ouch, ouch, ouch. I won’t say that this didn’t hurt a bit. I was told that I was out of integrity and that this was business school 101. All the while, I just couldn’t see it. I cried a lot, talked it out with my husband, and ended up going back to therapy over this. I have never been let go/quit under an ultimatum from any job in my life, and I have been working since I was 15 years old. Especially in a field such as yoga. What did I do wrong? And why do I feel like such garbage for promoting yoga?

Within the next two weeks of this happening, COVID-19 decided to make its way into America and all of my classes were cancelled.

I definitely don’t think that COVID-19 happened so that I could take a break from teaching, but I do believe in the timing of things. I haven’t taught yoga in almost over a month now (except two recorded classes)… which is absolutely crazy for me considering i’ve taught for four years straight every week. Seeing my students/friends and giving them a hug, teaching a bomb ass class with a bomb ass playlist, releasing energy and having genuine human connection around a practice that I love so much… this gives me LIFE! And yet, the month that i’ve had off from teaching has been so medicinal.

And honestly, I felt guilty for saying that at first, but now I don’t. It was really nice to take a break. As a yoga teacher, you give, give, give, and then to be completely gutted by an industry that I love because of “business” absolutely ripped me apart.

A break from yoga (a break from anything you love) can also allow you to take a step back and appreciate it more. Being let go from a studio for supporting another studio allowed me to step back and think: what are my intentions with teaching? Is it to market myself, or is to share what I love with the most amount of people? And when I was able to truly think about it, of course it’s the latter. I was in a space where I was told to constantly “market myself” and “find my brand” and “reach the most people”, when in reality, your “brand” and the marketing of yourself just comes along with doing what you love. Yes, it requires a post or two, maybe a website and a style, but it truly comes from sticking to your true core values and showing up strong in what’s important to you.

It’s amazing. Just writing this out (and crying for a hot minute) is just what i needed.

I will continue to teach (when we aren’t social distancing), but with even more gratitude, connection, and love for the practice. I believe it all happens for a reason. Being let go + COVID forcing me to not teach will grow me. Everything grows us in some way, even if you cannot see it at the time.

Xo, B