Redefining "Supposed To"

My least favorite phrase is “Supposed to”.

I am a woman, so I am “supposed to” dress in a certain manner. (ADDED IN: back in the day, I wasn’t “supposed to” be a doctor, lawyer, or even VP because I was a woman, and look at us today).

I am married, so I am “supposed to” have kids.

I am 27, so I am “supposed to” have life pretty much figured out. Just make up your mind already.

I went to school and have a degree in one thing, so I am “supposed to” do that.

I am not “supposed to” change my mind.

I am not “supposed to” talk back to those whom I disagree with. It’s immature and childish.

I am “supposed to” be productive with my time off. You took a break, now time to get back to work.

I am “supposed to” want to always talk to people. “She kind of ignored me when I saw her. She is stuck up and rude”.

I am “supposed to” work 40+ hours per week because that is how society works and how you make money.

I am “supposed to” make a lot of money and have nice things to be considered successful.

I am “supposed to” look a certain way in order to be considered pretty. Be curvy, wear makeup, and dressed like everyone around me.

I am “supposed to” smile when I see acquaintances and say the pre-programmed phrase: “i’m good, how’re you?”, no matter how I really am.

I am “supposed to” want to go out every weekend because I’m young. She never wants to go out, she must be depressed or something.

I am “supposed to” fit in. To make a name for myself. To market myself. To network and build connections as much as I can. You have to talk to people and sell yourself to be somebody.

I am “supposed to” be happy with what that I have and never want more, because that is entitled and greedy. You have it so good, just be thankful. (I promise you I am, but I can still strive for more).

I am “supposed to” get married, start a family, and settle into a career and be content with that.

I am not “supposed to” cuss, because that’s not appropriate and it’s offensive.

I am “supposed to” practice a Christian religion in the south. Everyone around me is.

I am not “supposed to” show my body, because that means I’m asking for it.

I am “supposed to” post my accomplishments/photos of me with a bunch friends all over social media with a cool caption. That’s what gets the likes, right?

I am “supposed to” always be happy in my marriage, at least publicly. You should never post about your problems. You looks desperate.

I am not “supposed to” talk about my anxiety, bouts of depression, insecurities, or previous disordered eating patterns. Nobody wants to hear all of that, keep that private and work it out yourself.

I am “supposed to” be silent. I am not “supposed to” post a lot.

I am “supposed to” make others around me comfortable, to suppress parts of me to make others uncomfortable. I mean, how dare you make someone else feel uncomfortable.

I am “supposed to” be what society has trained me to be.

But I am not.

I am me.

Here’s to a year of re-defining “supposed to” and coming back into my authentic self.
A self that does not try to please others, a self that does not care about seeking approval.
A self that just IS.
A self that doesn’t seek external validation, but does what makes her happy in any given moment, even if that means not being as “liked” or “popular” or “as successful” according to the standards of society.

If I learned anything in 2020, it is the fact that I am not “supposed to” be anything but myself, in each moment, changing my mind as much as I want and redefining what you think is normal.

Think of one thing you feel like you are “supposed to” do, and then take it out of your life and see how much lighter you feel. Please attempt to not succumb to the pressure to be a certain person or to change who you really are, or to tamper down your personality to make others comfortable.

Just. Be.