End of January Thoughts: Life Changing and Finding Yourself
Today, I’m writing about a new version of self (that is me). And, hopefully, it is you too, if you’ve lived long enough and have aspired to change, grow, or learn and experience new things.
Teaching yoga turned out to be one of the biggest marketing jobs, and I never even knew it until a few years in. The thousands of people I’ve been able to teach and hear their story has had such a tremendous impact on my life. I would truly (apparently this is my favorite word to use, lol) not be where I am today without yoga, on a personal and work level. It grew my social following, it made me connections, and it brought me jobs, travels, and opportunities I never saw coming. I gave so much of my time to it because it was what made the biggest impact on others. However, it ended up that, as a people person, I’ve really given too much of my personal time to others’ needs sometimes, which I’ve learned to better manage over the years. Being such a people person also comes with attaching too much to people, and can lead to doing things too long because it makes others happy. It’s taken my entire 20’s to find that balance between doing what others want me for and doing what feels right for me. (I do feel like I am finding that balance though).
I am currently reading Remember Love, Cleo Wade does such a beautiful job discussing so many aspects of life. The other night when I was reading, one page (many of them did) absolutely hit home: she talked about every relationships serving its purpose, and the relationship then changing. This could be friendships, romantic relationships, family bonds, colleagues, and even pets. I spent a good part of January grieving a life that once again, changed. When I finally left my marriage in 2022, I also quit teaching yoga and practicing PT for a bit. I realized how attached I was to these titles: wife, yoga teacher, physical therapist… then later coffee shop owner, nutrition person, wellness, etc. Once I stepped away from certain roles, I also lost people. I realized that some people were only in my life if I was their idea of “wife goals” or if I was with someone (as crazy as that sounds, it’s so true). I realized that some people only wanted me to be a yoga teacher and didn’t really care for me otherwise. When I was single for a short period of time I realized that some people only wanted me for my body or what they could potentially get. I realized that some friends just stayed in my life because drama was happening. I’ve floated through a lot of my life thinking that people had my interest in mind, and while a lot of them did, they also might have had other interests too. I also realized in my 20’s that not everyone has your best interest at heart, even if they show you kindness. Again, this is not to call anyone out, it’s just lessons that I’ve learned navigating through these large transitions in life. It’s hard, but it’s also real (and necessary for growth).
Losing friends or changing jobs isn’t a bad thing, though, and it’s most certaitnly not a failure. I think that we are all constantly shedding. When Cleo talked about relationships changing, I also related that to careers. When we’re young we’re told that we do this one job, and we do it forever. But that just hasn’t been the case for me, and it’s really not for many people anymore. Our interests change, people or partners in our life will come and go, and our life circumstances will change. You u may decide one day that you don’t want to do something anymore, and that’s okay.
In my 20’s I did things because I was good at them. Because they paid the bills, because I was praised for them, or because I felt like I needed to do it (or stay). I realized very quickly the reality of being on a single income, so of course I still have to work jobs to pay my bills, but, I am not the same person that I once was. I don’t just teach yoga, treat people’s physical ailments, or post things. I have so many other interests and life paths to pursue, in partnership, career, and friendships, and I am finally giving myself permission to not just please everyone else, but to follow what feels right for me in the given moment, even if it’s not popular or what others want from me, and that feels so cool.
The point with all of this is that you are allowed to change into a new version of yourself. At your core, you will always be you, but you can in fact shed layers of yourself that don’t align anymore - even if others might expect you to still wear those layers. I think they key is just to keep following your interests. That could be diving more into what you constantly keep looking at on your For You page, being more around the people in your life that make you feel good, or putting out into the Universe that you want a job that aligns with you and just being open what comes… I think following that is the secret to being yourself and living the best life. The job that you wanted 10 years ago may not be the job you want today. The friends you had a certain point in life served a purpose in your life for you then, but they might not now as we all grow and evolve. Whether its a job, a partner, a friendship or even your hair color, you are allowed to change. 🖤
As Cleo said so beautifully in her book, “ the people we love are not always meant to stay with us forever, but maybe there is gratitude to be found in goodbye. And maybe as you move on, it is possible to move further from pain and closer to appreciation”. And I appreciate it ALL.
Last thing: when your life doesn’t feel aligned or you feel hurt, knocked down, or burnt out… you have to actively choose to change it. You can choose to make new friends, to look for a new job, to leave a relationship, to workout, to eat differently, or to let things go. Personally, I choose not to wallow, but to feel it, change it, to take action, and to let. shit. go.
What’s next for me is: FASHION, cooking, working more from home, being with my amazing partner, diving more into friendships that GROW me, less Physical Therapy, more reading, more Youtube (maybe a podcast?), and more love.
Dedicated to my friend Teri, thank you for growing me. And to my mama, my best friend who always supports my growth. 🖤