Learning to Love Yourself

To some people, I am awesome. To some people, I am a lot, too much, or selfish. It’s important to start this entire blurb of writing out with the blatant point that everyone is going to have an opinion of you, regardless of who you are, what you do, or how amazing you are (which, you are).

I’ve received an almost undeserving amount of support in the last three weeks between opening up a business and getting a divorce. I’m also sure that some people are also judging me (as people always will). Who is that person you’re with? Why do you have to share everything? Girl, you should just go get some rest and calm down. 

That’s my favorite thing that people tell me (and by favorite I’m being a complete smart ass and it drives me insane): You’re a lot. You’re too much. Calm down. Slow down. You’re doing too much. You should be resting. You should stop sharing so much. Eat more food, eat less food.

Well, none of that matters actually, because I am me and I’m doing what’s best for me. Fully, openly, dressed up, a complete mess sometimes and may spontaneously burst into tears, and I truly don’t want to be anything else. Finally.

I was working out this morning and I thought to myself: Wait, who am I working out for now? I don’t have anyone to see me naked at this current moment. I don’t have anyone that I’m currently “with”. Who am I trying to impress? Who will love me? And then I answered the question (my mom also answered it when I said it out loud to her). 

I’m doing this for me. My mom said, “You, honey. You’re doing it for you. And you look amazing, and I’m proud of you”.

None of us wake up and think, “I can’t wait to be someone other than my actual self today!” Trying to be something we aren’t is something that has been programmed into us since we gained consciousness. We are cognitively wired to fit in, and that means changing who we are. When we are rejected for being different, we automatically change those parts of ourselves without even realizing it. Of course we do; acceptance and praise feel really damn good. Being loved by others is a feeling we crave.

Here’s the thing through: you will never, ever, ever be truly happy if you do not love yourself. I have achieved so many things in life; in medicine, travels, career, physically with my body, and more. But the amazing feeling that accompanies all of these things will never come close to the absolute elated and blissful feeling of loving myself for exactly who I am.

I’m not there yet (and who knows if I ever fully will be), but I am so much closer than I used to be. It’s a journey that I dive into every day. Every, single, goddamn day. 

But to love yourself have to know yourself. When I make decisions now, I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and ask myself: what do I actually want to do right now? What feels right in my body? And then I let it come out naturally. It’s really easy when you think about it; we just get into our heads too much. 

Me? I know that I have to wash the dishes and that they cannot sit in the sink overnight. I know that I cuss a quite a lot. I play Ariana Grande constantly and change my mind a lot. I dress up when I want to because it makes me feel more confident, and Sex and the City will forever be my favorite show (although Emily in Paris is becoming a close rival).

I drink a lot of coffee and feel most focused when I skip breakfast. I know the foods that I will eat and will not eat. I crave natural light. I love interior design. I like being told that I am beautiful, powerful, and loved for who I am (not my successes). I like being pursued. I like feeling wanted. I like suprises.

I may want to have kids, but most likely want to adopt. I truly just want to write, share, to connect with others, and create recipes and thoughts on life. I want to write a book one day. I know I can treat your sacral torsion and then make you a bomb ass smoothie bowl and matcha latte. I know that I love (LOVE) being a boss. It will be very hard to go back to working for someone else again.

This is me. And I love it.

Who are you? It’s fun to get to know yourself. Then, when you accept it, you start to love it.

Find what makes you happy and follow it passionately. And love every single part of yourself, potently, for who you are.

Xx,  B