Life as an Anxious Person
I was talking to a few of my employees this week, as well as just many friends in general. The conversations I’ve had lately have been so deep, so real, and so needed. My conversations with people have always been deep (if you know me at all, I often go right into the real things), but something about opening up a business, discovering yourself, and getting a divorce tends to deepen the conversations. I’m not mad about it - I don’t really have time for the superficial discussions anymore.
What have I realized from all of these deeper conversations? I am (and you are) so not alone. And that pretty much EVERYONE has anxiety. Everyone. Everyone has this deep fear of not being enough and not being fulfilled, yet we still tend to stigmatize it.
I get texts and messages from friends and acquaintances that they’re not okay, and I hold space for them. I have these conversations with people almost every day. Every. single. day. Anxiety isn’t the outlier, it’s the norm that we don’t talk about.
We view anxiety as something that is crippling or negative. We automatically think of an anxious person as less than prepared or think of someone with anxiety is just someone who “can’t handle the world”. There is no doubt that anxiety makes living life harder, but I think that it makes a life that we weren’t made for harder. Have you ever thought that those who are anxious are just not designed to live life as it’s currently set up to live?
For example: I worked 12 hours and wanted to vacuum when I got home, but when I got home I literally just could not find the energy to. I was so hard on myself for not being able to do this simple task. I told myself: “Bethany, so many people work even longer than this and do even more. You have an entire evening to yourself and you still can’t get these little things done.”
But sometimes even the smallest of tasks seem to be much harder than the bigger ones; and the smaller tasks seem to be so easy for other people. They “shouldn’t be” this hard, but they are. Not all the time, but often enough. It’s not just vacuuming, but any small things such as- I messaging someone to sew up my pillows, get my oil changed, contacting my jeweler, or just replying to messages.
This is the life of a person with mild anxiety - and this is the life of every single person some days. It’s normal.
Vacuuming my floors (thoroughly) last night would’ve taken about 30 minutes of my 5 hour evening, but I just couldn’t. At first I felt alone in this situation, but I know that this is EXTREMELY common as I talk to more and more people.. We all have certain struggles that cause underlying mild anxiety, whether it be with simply driving, cooking, cleaning, or just getting dressed - the “small things”. Someone told me just this morning they couldn’t find the energy to go to the post office to put something in the box. The weight of the world just weighs heavier for some, making small tasks harder.
The point is that there is nothing “wrong” with me or anyone who feels this way. Anxiety doesn’t meant I can’t do my job. It may just mean that my schedule and method of communicating might be different than yours.
We are all working to fit into a world that is hyper focused on achievements and functioning in one particular way - the world constantly demands us to being as perfect as we can be and constantly having our shit together. But most are just not meant to function in the way the world is set up. I truly believe that are anxious are just awaken to themselves a bit more than those who just go through the motions. They are ultra aware. They are even more connected.
Or as my friend Candace would call it, we’re just deep divers while everyone else is just doing the superficial snorkeling.
Anxiety isn’t uncommon; we are ALL going through it - we just don’t talk about it. But I’m here to talk about it. This generation is breaking that glass ceiling -we just have to use our voice. In a blog, in a coffee shop, or wherever you can.
You are normal, functioning in a world that is set up for one way. Small tasks can sometimes be hard, and it’s not a bad thing.
Dedicated to Rachel, Izzy, Emilee, Mel, and others I could never name.