A Season of Rest
Rest.
It’s amazing. I took a poll on Instagram yesterday asking if I had completely lost it or not: and to the 45 of you that said yes, you’re right. And to the 55 of you that said no, you’re also right.
I have lost parts of myself, but I don’t want them back. I went into the hospital yesterday thinking that I worked, but I just accidentally copied my schedule from the previous month. As I pulled up my list of patients to see that there were none, I had a small sigh of relief. Wait, I don’t have a full 8 hours of work ahead of me? I can actually take… a day off that I didn’t plan on having?
Well, I ended up working a little, but on things I really needed to get done. Since I arrived at work at 7:30, I used the energy I had created (and the coffee that had been made) to go home and workout , water my plants, do my laundry, and then do those things that I was cram into today. As I crouched down on my laundry room floor sitting on my knees and feet folding my towels, I didn’t listen to anything. No podcasts, no music, just folding and hanging in silence. The sun was shining through my curtains, which I have to keep closed so it doesn’t get too damn hot in my old little loft.
Then I was watering and cutting the flowers from my last class on Thursday and the most innate response happened: I smiled. I actually found myself smiling, by myself. Happy to be alone and simply to be watering my plants. I was so happy to be moving slow and with ease, nowhere to be in a while.
There’s a beautiful thing to be said of solitude. I’ve never enjoyed time alone as much as I have recently, but like I said in last week’s newsletter, I have been craving it. And what’s even cooler: I created this happiness. I created it by listening to myself, my body, and saying no. To have this time to write, to finish my master’s, to work on a future book, to leisurely water my plants, to be with my boyfriend, to take my time at the grocery store, to see friends in Memphis on Saturday… it’s everything. I am entering a different phase in life, and I can’t help but feel overwhelming joy in my chest as I gracefully, presently, and slowly enter into it. I am so happy to be still working hard, to have manifested these jobs that pay me more, and to just be. Just be.
This takes practice, of course, knowing what is right for you. People keep asking me to teach more, to see them and make time for them, to work more.. but I just am not there right now. I am finally able to sustain myself financially, and I no longer feel (as) bad about saying no.
There will be seasons in your life where you will hustle, grind, and move faster. I’ve done it for years. There will also be times where you just want to rest, be present, and see the flowers in front of you a little more vividly because you have time to do so. There will also be seasons where you feel lost. Things will change, people will leave, and you will lose parts of yourself. But if you’re working towards bettering yourself and you really listen to yourself, you’ll lose the parts of you that no longer serve you. You shed layers, and you become a different version yourself.
People will tell me to get TikTok, to start podcasting, or to find a different medium, but writing just feels right. I picture myself as Carrie at her computer, typing away and resonating with so many. It’s just the best feeling. Right now, my goals are to keep following that, to just be more, and to have more Sunday afternoons just like I did yesterday.
So ask yourself: what season of life are you in? What is your body telling you? What do you want to bring into your life, and what do you want to let go of? Get rid of the expectations of others or what is popular, trending, or going to give you the most attention. Instead ask yourself: what lights you up?
Right now, for me, that is rest. No matter what you do, be sure to make time to be alone in solitude, even if it’s just a few hours. It truly is so healing.
With all my love,
