Free Time (and Sex and the City)
This weekend I spent a lot of time alone. They always say you are your true self when you’re alone; when you have time to just chill, exist, and have nobody around you to dictate or persuade what you do. What do you choose to do with you free time? Watch Netflix? Scroll TikTok/Instagram? Read? Crochet? Make candles? Cook? Garden? It doesn’t really matter what it is, because it really should just be what makes you happy.
There is an intricate balance I’m finding of being with someone but also having time alone, which is strange because I was married for years. At almost 30, I’ve never actually been alone. I’ve always been busy, been pursued, or needed/had to be somewhere. I crave alone time so badly sometimes (since I work as a small business owner and with the general public and patients), but then when I finally get it I only want to be with others. Is this a weird introvert/extrovert combo that some of us have? Or do we all need a little bit of both?
Well, in my free time I had Saturday and was actually alone, I watched reruns of Sex and the City while I worked on school work. I baked zucchini muffins (recipe next week!) and devoured and finished my current read: When Things Fall Apart (and by the way, this book isn’t really about falling apart but there are so many good takeaways and I highly recommend). I had an impromptu therapy session and it was wonderful (and needed). I went for a (short) run, meditated a lot, and burned though an entire candle. It’s the cusp of summer and fall, and I always find myself being still when the seasons transition. It’s such a time of change and I’m always in awe of it. One thing that hasn’t changed for me in the past 6 years, though, is writing. I started writing in 2018 when I just wanted to type my feelings, and I found it to be such an outlet that I couldn’t stop. That, is what I choose to do in my free time (currently). And I love it so much.
One of the things I keep coming back to that gives me peace is that we just have to keep making decisions decisions that feel aligned to us. I’ve spent a lot of my 20’s trying to make sure that everyone else around me is good and only feeling good if other’s approve or give me validation. Well, now I am (beginning to) give that validation to myself. Less drinking, more clarity, less guilt, and more down time. Each decisions we make should be aligned with who we want to be and what brings us joy. That’s the best way to spend your free time, in my opinion. Of course, we have to work hard, but even that should be aligned with your true essence.
Change is the subject I keep coming back to. This book repeatedly hits on the fact that everything is transient. Even if you have the same job or partner forever, the relationship and roles will change. Butterflies fade, people move, people change, and your job will likely change. We are designed for change. Unfortunately that doesn’t always go with the program we’ve been pushed that you are with the same person and job forever. Like many of us, I find myself constantly seeking security and stability. It’s an innate desire we have to cling to what is good and to run from what is bad, creating only a life of good. But all that does is take away from what is in front of you. It takes away from your overall wellbeing.
The good can fade, relationships can end, and pain is a part of life. That’s just that. While all of it is inevitable, I choose to see the change and the pain as still good. Even if it hurts, it’s good. Really. Things come into our lives to teach us what we need to learn, which is overall good. Through all the lessons, trials, tears and uncertainty, if you don’t enjoy the journey and your experiences because you choose to only think of others, then life would really suck.
So, let me ask in typical Carrie Bradshaw fashion: how do you want to spend your free time? Do you enjoy it? What is the one thing that lights you up, and how can you create more of that in your life? Is there a place where you out of alignment or feel like you can’t speak your mind? And if so, how can you change that too?
You’re in control of your life. You really are.
Xo,
B 🖤