The Cycles of Life
I started this blog while I had a moment in between watching reruns of master chef in my blue light glasses on a Monday off. Today, I took a deep nap for the 3rd time this week. I’m sure there are many reasons that I could feel tired, but I truly do think I’m just so tired because it’s the end of a long, and tiring 2 years where my body and mind finally said, Wow. Look at all that you’ve done and gone through.
A divorce, launching BDW, school, learning so much with Story, absolute heartbreak, a recurring old eating disorder, tons of childhood therapy, new jobs, and now dating again. When I finally started to find my footing again, I realized how tired I really was from everything that has gone on.
On Monday, I actually had downtime - something I’ve been wanting for so long. Over and over again this year I have constantly repeated how much I just wanted to rest, to slow down, and to have a day off. I worked tirelessly this past year to finally achieve a schedule where I could somewhat support myself financially and not work every single day, hiring the best team and working to take different jobs. This June and July I’ve actually had nights where there wasn’t anything so critical that I had to work through the evening. There wasn’t in that “oh shit, there’s something to do right now and it’s super urgent” type of energy that I have been used to being in. I had a list of things to do and I would do them, but then I had down time.
And it’s been strange. This evening, I got to sit, blend up some salsa, make a cocktail, write, see my best friend, and put my whitening strips on my teeth because I actually remembered. Texts and IG messages are actually getting responded to in a decent time period instead of piling up My to-do list is actually getting checked off.
It’s so strange.
There’s a line in a song Colorado by Reneé Rapp (who I’m absolutely obsessed with right now) that says “I’d choose the devil I know over the heaven I don’t”. Joe Dispenza also talks about it over and over again in his books. We’re addicted to the familiar, even if it’s not good for us. I found that even in my past relationship where we would fight constantly, I stayed in it because it was comfortable, even if it wasn’t the best relationship. My therapist (and a nutritionist I had once) talk about the effects of cortisol on us - the adrenaline rush is addictive (similar to running, games, TikTok, or even drinking), even if we don’t like it or it doesn’t align with us.
The same can be said for busyness. If I look at 2023 for me as a whole, so far I would say it is a year of rest. 2022 was an emotional year, and 2021 was physically painful. 2023 has honeslty been filled with sleeping, healing, resting, and transforming into an absolute different stage of life as I transition into age 30. I can’t wait for the years to come.
Let me remind you: Everything is a season. I recently started reading When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chödrön, and while this book has been recommended to me since 2017, I am so glad I picked it up when I did, at a pinnacle cusp of healing. I read two pages and I literally extended my arm out to P and said, Oh my gosh. This is going to be one of those books that’s going to change my life. And it’s only proven to do so so far with every page turned.
In it, Pema writes, ‘Things falling apart is kind of a testing but also kind of healing. We think that the point is to pass the test or overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together again then fall apart then fall apart again. It’s just like that.’ I don’t quote that line to be depressing, but to emphasize that as humans we’re always trying to get rid of the “bad” and fill our lives with only the good feelings. Sometimes, you just hurt. Sometimes, you just have to nap a lot and rest. We’re all here on this earth living through many cycles, and your cycle is always going to be different than someone elses’ cycle.
There will be seasons where you need to rest and there will be seasons when you need to work hard. Your heart will always tell you. But you’ll only be able to feel what is right for you if you give yourself permission to be in those cycles, and you stay present with you. If you constantly worry about what others are thinking about you resting, about the career moves or dating decisions you make, then you block out time to rest or the authentic decisions that you, your mind, body and soul, need to make.
Rest when you need, work and play when you need. Honor your seasons, and always, always, always, be present for every cycle of life.
Xx,
B