Slowing Down this Holiday Season
I went to my lawyer’s office the other day to finish out an 18-month lawsuit. It’s insane to me that cases can take this long, especially one that seemed pretty black and white, but apparently this is still considered a short amount of time in the insurance legal world. When I approached the lawyer, he asked me “how are the holidays?” and I answered: slow, but on purpose. He asked me what I meant, and I told him that I was just saying no to most things that I don’t 90% or more want to do, and that I’m not really getting anyone gifts.
He proceeded to tell me how his wife was in tears this week due to the sheer overwhelm of it all. In yoga this week, I could almost feel the palpable stress of people rushing to class. I could see as they closed their eyes that the students craved the silence more than they normally do. One of my students told me she wishes she could just close her eyes and open them in January. My lawyer said, “I wish I could do that - just say no to it all”, and I replied…. well.. you can.
We have become a society that stresses to the extreme during the holiday season - to the point where we miss out on what is right in front of us because we are going from one family event to the next, frantically purchasing gifts for everyone on our list, spending money we don’t really need to and probably over-consuming food. Of course, we feel like we have to, because we love the people we are spending time with. But isn’t it so odd that we condense these family gatherings to specific months of the year to where we feel rushed when we do see our families? Then, we put this pressure on ourselves to do everything in that short period of time, while also squeezing all of our work and regular lives into the spaces in between (and don’t forget the self care…). It ends up costing more than it’s worth. The holidays for most people have become a time of stress, with the Christmas lights just making it a very beautiful, sparkly stress. I absolutely hate seeing everyone so anxious, especially when it’s something that our society has created out of something that was beautiful.
The holiday season should be about a religion you celebrate, time with family, and the warmth in our lives from the fun Christmas songs and movies, not the lines in TJ Maxx and the absolute waste of money and gifts that are often not even wanted. It should be noted too, not everyone is a gift person. Sure, gifts are wonderful and the Christmas presents under the tree are SO fun; I love them too! But I cherish Christmas gifts just as much as the random gift that is left of my door during a time of stress.
I was on the phone with my friend Courtney the other day and we talked for an hour. We discussed about how were NOT going to get each others gifts, but how the true gift was the time spent talking to each other in the middle of the week on an hour phone call that completely shifted our energy. She held space for me when I needed to talk, and I held space for her when she needed to talk. Our week was better for it. While I would love to get her a candle or gift card or something (which if you are a gift giver you should get at Story Coffee House - shameless plug), getting her a gift would actually end up adding more stress to my plate instead of taking it away, so I am saying no to it. And because she’s a true friend that doesn’t put the value of our friendship in to a gift at Christmas, she would never be offended by that. The true gift is her friendship all throughout the year, the time she took out of her day to listen, and the freedom of the expectations that I always have to be 100%.
She understands that I am going to show up for her and that it doesn’t have to be in the form of a physical gift. Time is a gift. Friendship is a gift.
The first point of this blog post is to focus on what the true gift is: people and time. Gifts are fun, but only a reflection of the actual gift that you have someone in your life that wants to celebrate you and show you that they love you.
The second point of this blog post is that you can say no. You can slow down. While it probably feels like you have to go to the Christmas parties, family gatherings, and eat endless food, you don’t. A true gift during the holiday season is to focus on what is important, and to honor yourself and what you need. Have you given that gift to yourself? By giving the time of stillness and rest to yourself, you’re actually giving to others because you’re going to be a better, truer version of you.
Honestly, everyone is so busy that they are are likely not even going to remember in a month’s time. If they do, they’ll likely forget soon, and if someone hold it against you for taking the time to slow down and say no or for not getting them a physical gift, maybe it’s a sign that you want to limit your friendship with people that hold things against you.
Winter is a time of rest, and yet we do the opposite. The next :thing” that you do this holiday season, I would invite you to ask yourself if you really want to. If you do, then great! If you don’t, that’s okay too. Always (not just on Christmas) give yourself the gift of slowing down, resting, and rejuvenating your creativity when you need to because nobody else will set those boundaries for you. Only you can.
Xx.