8 Ways to Process Trauma
My Story:
Exactly one year ago, my life changed completely.
It was the first day to start my master’s degree in clinical nutrition. I got up early that morning and went for my run - more than ever was I excited to start my day. It was a five mile run, and 4.1 miles into the run my life literally flashed before my eyes.
On the left side of my body I was hit by a car. Staying conscious the entire time, and it was literally like an out of body experience. I remember yelling (not on purpose or willingly, but my voice was at a maximum), seeing a lot of red blur (the car that hit me was red), and having the wind knocked out of me. I hit the ground and my ribs hurt and I felt cracks. I opened my eyes and looked up after rolling onto my back. My entire body ached from head to toe. My back burned, which later I found was because there were rocks stuck in them. I curled up in to a fetal position involuntarily, or attempted to at least, only to realize that there was no freaking way that was happening. Something was wrong with my back. Something was definitely wrong.
Conscious enough to realize what had just happened, I looked down at my feet and wiggled my toes. Okay, I can move them. I put my hands onto my head to check for blood and pain, and didn’t feel anything too sharp - just an overall headache. Okay, I don’t think I’m bleeding. I guess it’s the medical mind I’ve been trained to have. I knew that I was not at my worst. I was conscious, I was breathing, but I was definitely not okay.
I was conscious enough to be able to call my dad and Brent, both of which came to meet me immediately. My poor dad… I called him three times and said I need you not to freak out.
I couldn’t extend my legs fully without pain in my back and I had to keep them bent. Two kind individuals were over me, and I asked the woman to move me so that traffic could continue (this was a busy street at 8 AM, right by a school). She looked at me and said, honey, that is the last thing you need to be worried about.
The spinal board was the worst part. A hard, solid board is designed for someone with a fractured spine to prevent further injury, but it definitely isn’t designed for comfort. After the worst ambulance ride in my life, I made it to the hospital for imaging. I screamed and cried in pain as they moved my body from one surface to the next, unaware at the time the extent of my fractures. Due to dehydration, a blood vessel busted when given contrast and pain medications. My entire body was cold, and I was hungry. There were rocks in my back and I had road rash everywhere. Due to COVID, Brent could come in but nobody else could come see me.
Hours later the doctor told informed that my fractures in my sacrum and pubis were too severe to handle locally and that they needed to be assessed further in Memphis. The police officer was also informing me of who said what at the accident and made me sign reports. I was then administered a ton of fentanyl and opioids as I cried from so much pain and shock, tears absolutely streaming down my face. I was then shipped off to Memphis via another ambulance (okay, I lied. This hour and a half long ambulance ride was the worst ambulance ride of my life). What is going to happen to me? My body was broken and my mind was fearful.
When we finally made it there, I was left in the hallway at the trauma center for hours on my roll in hospital bed in Memphis due to lack of rooms. After assessing my blood pressure and other vitals hours later, it turns out I was trauma 1 (I guess the worst kind, but I’m not sure of the emergency room terminology), which led to 15 doctors over me, a catheter being shoved in me, more needles, my jewelry and shoes (well, one shoe) being taken away, my clothes completely cut off, and 100 questions being asked to me. What year is it? Where are you from? Do you know what has happened to you?
The time from here was pretty much a blur. My time in the trauma center in Memphis is something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, and was almost more traumatizing than the accident itself. People dying next to you just one curtain away every few hours, no food for 36 hours (they thought I might have to have surgery so couldn’t feed me anything), numerous pain meds (…I don’t even take ibuprofen!!), being thrown around from hard table to table and back to my bed, no phone (which had died), and nobody to visit because of COVID regulations. It was dark, all of the staff was overworked, and I just sat in the pain alone for almost 2 days.
After one very kind nurse charged my phone, I was able to call my family. I begged and begged and begged the doctors to release me after we realized I didn’t need surgery, and finally, they did. Brent and the nurses physically put me in the passenger seat of his car as I continued to cry out in pain, but we did it. 2 days later. The nurses and Brent carried my broken body into the passenger seat with pillows and buckled me in. We drove home and the sun was setting. I sobbed in pain and took deep breaths and realized all that happened in the last 48 hours. I took another deep breath, closed my eyes, cried more, but yet, there was this underlying sense of peace (verrrrry small, but it was there), that I was going to be okay. I was going to heal. I was going home.
Just writing this out brings tears to my eyes. Trauma, whether it be physical or emotional, is something that we likely will go through (hopefully not to this extreme or even worse). When the accident happened to me, I knew from the very beginning that I had two options: I could think “why is this happening to me?” or I could stay focused on healing and what this was going to teach me. Thankfully, I chose the latter, which lead me to where I am today.
Processing Trauma:
It’s extremely important that we process trauma. I would go even further to say that it’s necessary if you want to live your life and be in your relationships as fully and deeply as you can. Trauma can be the extreme of what I had or even worse. It could be a parent or sibling passing away, a relationship ending, a big change in life, assault, emotional abuse, or even being made fun as a child or being made to believe that you couldn’t do something (these may seem small, but they are also traumas).
I didn’t realize until recently how much old, smaller traumas affected my life. I think maybe it took one large trauma to see how smaller traumas carried weight in my relationships, to myself and to others.
I know now that no matter the size of the trauma, it must be processed. However, we are taught that the “it’s all going to be okay!” mentality, so we push down these feelings, hide them, or maybe even think that we processed it but we really didn’t. Processing trauma takes time, energy, being uncomfortable or even being in pain. However, processing it is the only way that you’ll overcome it. The only way out is through, my loves. And when you’re out (or even most of the way out), it’s so worth feeling the pain.
Okay, so how do I process the trauma?
You feel it, babes. Don’t run from it.
That 48 hour period in that trauma center taught me that. With no food, no pain relief, not being able to sit up on my own, no sleep, no connection to anyone, and no answers, I just had to sit there. You know what I did? I meditated in that freaking hospital bed. I prayed and I sat with it all. Reflecting back on this time is when I truly realized the power of sitting with pain and feeling it every single inch of it. The good, the bad, and the catheters.
I am by no means a psychologist. I am simply a yoga teacher with a doctorate and a passion for food as medicine. But, I have stopped people from committing suicide, survived intense emotional relationship abuse, young sexual assault, toxic friendships, work industry trauma, eating disorders, and a being minority in a small town. These steps below have helped me through a lot of them, and I hope that they can help you process your trauma, too, my love.
Feel it without distractions. This is it, hands down. The end-all be-all, in my opinion. What you don’t feel stays stuck in your body and can often come out as other emotions when we’re triggered (snapping at our partner, binge eating on the couch, gossiping about a friend or even sabotaging relationships). Many times we think we are feeling something, but we really aren’t. Feeling it means sitting with it, no phone, no music, no exercise, no input from friends, nothing. Let the trauma enter your mind and notice the feelings with it. Feel it in your body and let it be there. This is the worst, the absolute, freaking worst. But feeling it is how you learn to handle it, grow from it, and let it go. The feelings will pass if you sit with them long enough, I promise.
Write it out or talk it out. I know for me, just writing my story again brought tears to my eyes and helped me to feel it. Whether it be journaling, typing, or talking it out to a listening friend or a therapist, writing and talking are two major ways that we process what happened. Feelings will come up, and that’s okay. It’s NORMAL. it’s a part of the healing journey. When we know what happened and tell our story, it helps us to understand it more, release it, and not constantly relive it. Of course, if you’re constantly re-living it and it’s triggering you too much, give it more time or talk to a professional about how to further process it.
Get support. Nobody gets through trauma alone. I have friends, a therapist, and family that listened to me were there for me physically. The people in life that truly love you will never think of you as a burden. Call in support energetically by asking for it. It is not selfish and is not abnormal to need a bit of support in life when things get tough.
See the lesson in it. I know this sounds crazy, but I was hit by a car for a reason. It taught me to slow down, to spend more time with my family, and connected me back to my roots. It helped me get to the bottom of an eating and exercise disorder, and it taught me that I can do extremely hard things. On the other end of it, I am a better person. I believe that everything in life happens as it should and that there is a lesson in everything. Even if it’s the worst thing imaginable, ask yourself what you’ve gained from it. Life is happening for us, not to us. What did that event that was traumatic give you? This helps us to view it in the grand scheme of life and helps us to not only see the negative in it.
Have gratitude and love anyways. Just like forgiveness, we do it for ourselves and not the other person. I know this is so hard and seems like the last thing that you want to do, but shift your energy and have love and gratitude in every situation. Feel it, of course, but then shift your energy. You have that power inside of you to not hold onto trauma, resentment, or negativity. You can release it, and by showing love and gratitude (even when you don’t want to!) always brings us in to a higher vibration. Always.
Release it from your body. Do the emotional work, but remember that stuck emotions around trauma will cause tightness and pain in parts of our bodies. There is absolutely no denying this. An open body will lead to a clearer path for this trauma energy to move through. We want to open ourselves up to healing in all of the ways, and opening up your body with stretching and sweating always helps to release some of this stagnant energy.
Fuel your body correctly. Healing trauma takes a ton of energy, so instead of using up a ton of energy to process crappy food, fuel your body for optimal success! Especially if you have a physical injury. An anti-inflammatory, non-processed food diet is the way that I healed, eating all plant foods and ensuring plenty of vitamins for optimal physical healing.
Give it time. Once you feel your trauma, it’s not like it lifts magically. It takes consistent effort. Once you’ve identified that you have trauma or stuck emotions in an area of your life, feel it without running, write or speak your story, lean on others for a bit of energy, see the lesson in it, shift towards love and gratitude, release it from your body, then repeat. Eventually, you will heal.
Sending you so much love and healing, beautiful. If I can do it, so can you. Healing the trauma allows the situation and emotions around it to not dictate how we live our lives now.
Xx