Harry Styles Album on Repeat
I don’t have much to say, I just want to write. I want to write forever, and ever, and ever (amen?).
I am sitting in my space, all alone, feeling all the feelings. Some of the feelings are the highest of the high. Some of them are the loneliest, most fearful feelings. A silence rings and I try not to run from it. I have a fear of the future and what it could or couldn’t hold, and a deep fear of failure, all exacerbated by a lack of sleep from opening up and running a business.
The high feelings are amazing: absolute euphoria, being proud of all I have accomplished recently (a new thing for me to admit), waking up every single day recently on fire for what I am doing. The feelings are SO high that I feel them even deeper - even when I am so exhausted (hell, maybe it’s all of the coffee, too).
Whenever we have breathtaking, exhilarating things in our lives, we tend to cling to them… or at least I have. When something feels so rapturous, you want it to last forever. But because life is the way that it is and we’ve been disappointed in our life and had amazing things taken away from us, we are scared of the loss of that amazing feeling. This fear takes the pure happiness that is in the moment right in front of us away. We can’t even be fully present for it because we are scared it will go away.
And I’m trying to get away from that, because it takes away from the feelings I’m currently experience. Life will ebb and flow, and I need to be at peace with that
Right now I feel… euphoric. Scared. At peace. Fearful. Tired. On a high. Like a leader, a manifestor, a community builder, and a boss-ass bitch. I also feel this fear of euphoric feelings leaving my life, but I acknowledge it.
We’ve been programmed to think that things don’t last forever. And most of the time that is true. Maybe they will, maybe they won’t, but it doesn’t matter.
What matters is right now. This moment, and what I’m feeling in it. Whether it be exciting or fearful.
Feel it all. Don’t run into the future. Don’t be defined by your past or what you think should happen. Just be here, and act on that.
And listen to Harry’s new album on repeat.
xx, B