2 Life Lessons My Accident Taught Me
On April 5, 2021, my life abruptly stopped. Literally.
I always get super nostalgic on the anniversary of my accident (which is also one of my best friends birthdays, Happy Birthday, Julie!!!!), but this day really is so special to me. It reminds me how lucky I am, and how we all are, to be alive.
I don’t like to actively bring up my trauma over and over again publicly (I wrote about my entire experience of the accident on my one year anniversary if you want to read about it there) but this event truly changed my life. Even though my accident was extremely hard and I had to do a lot of healing around it, I also know and believe that it strangely was one of the best gifts that the universe gave me.
The accident happened at a time in my life I was just running; I was running from the pain that I held down from living a life that wasn’t aligned with who I am; I was running in the sense of alcohol, food, going out and even using wellness as an escape to just not sit with myself because I was so unhappy. And then even more literally, I was running 30+ miles a week to combat an eating disorder I had.
I was just running, running, running, until I could no longer run anymore. I always say it, but it was like the universe said, “okay, girl, so you’re done running now. Are you ready to be physically and mentally challenged in a way that will change you forever?”
If you’re into astrology at all, you’ve probably heard of something called a Saturn Return, which is referenced as a time in your life where Saturn returns to the same place in the cosmos as it was at the time you were born. While I don’t much about it beyond that (although I’ve been diving into astrology a bit more and highly recommend this book), but it apparently occurs between the ages of 27-30 and is a period of time when you energetically transition from a child into your adult self. It’s said to be a time of deep realizations and a time to really know and define yourself.
Well, between the accident, opening up a business, and getting divorced, I don’t think I had much of a choice.
My experience in the trauma center was so hard, but when I reflect back on the past two years and the accident in particular, the pain has taught me so much. It took being in so much physical and emotional pain for me to realize that only I can control my life. I didn’t know who I was, but after the past few years, I feel like I do.
So to celebrate two years of being alive after almost dying, here are the two major lessons that I learned:
1) Pain is temporary, and it isn’t necessarily bad. When I was in the trauma center, unable to stand, unable to eat, unable to see anyone in the outside world (thanks Covid), I really never thought it would end. I just kept thinking to myself, how will I survive this? I can’t even make it through this next second. The same goes for the past year when I just didn’t think my heart could handle anymore pain.
But I could. I always could.
Our minds really limit us. The amount that we can withstand is so much more than we think. Whether it be pain from an accident, simply fasting for 24 hours, or dealing with grief, the pain does indeed pass. Just like happy moments, everything is fleeting, and we have to be happy with all of it. Pain isn’t bad, it’s just uncomfortable. The pain taught me so much. That pain that I experienced help me to better handle other things later in life.
2) Only you can choose to be happy with your set of circumstances and only you can change your life. Whenever I was in the trauma center, I was cut out from the world. I had 8% battery on my phone and you know what I did? I got on Insight Timer and I did a meditation teacher with a live instructor. Yep, that is what i chose.
You could easily say that it’s because I’ve always meditated, and that may be somewhat true. I knew I would find comfort in connecting with my breath. But really, between the fentanyl and knowing my life would be different for a bit, I knew I had two choices:
I could think, “woe is me, why did this happen to me, what did I do to deserve this” or I could think, “okay, this is fucking horrible. But how am I going to grow from this? How can i make this pain a bit less right now? How can I get out of here as quickly as possible and starting healing?”
I chose the latter, but I had to choose it. Nobody could choose to have that attitude in a shitty situation besides me. This goes for any aspect of our lives. Don’t love your job? Work on changing it. Don’t like the way you look? Take the steps to change it. Don’t like the relationship you’re in? Work on changing it.
It’s not helpful to think that things happen to us and that it’s just not fair. Life is definitely not and will not always be fair. I am extremely privileged enough to know that we are not all born with the same opportunities.
However, we do all have the same power to react to the situations that life hands to us, and to change it the best we can. It doesn’t mean that it won’t hurt or that it’s comfortable. In this Saturn return I had to learn to re-walk, to leave a relationship, and to overcome heartbreak. It’s been a lot of things besides fair or easy , but I am here to remind you that you have a lot more power than you think you do. You can always choose love, and you can choose to actively change your life.
So, here’s to two years of my life that could’ve been very different. I am so grateful to be here, to still be inspiring, to have created a coffee shop and to be living. Grateful doesn’t even begin to cover it. I am so happy for the pain, the happiness, and every moment in between because damn, what else is life for besides feeling it all?
Happy Anniversary to me. 🖤 Here’s to not only surviving, but thriving. XO