The Need for Alone Time

Inspired by my friend Cameron, Melanie, and other coffee shop interactions this week.

I saved this Instagram post two days ago that had a quote that stated, “For every 1 hour I am with people I need 72 hours alone”. I *actually* laughed out loud when I read it and said (also out loud) to myself, “I feel this on a deep level”. While this is somewhat of an exaggeration, it also felt decently accurate and close to hom. I recently spent an entire weekend surrounded by people that I love so deeply in my bones, but I was also so ready to go home. I just a attended family reunions that brought me so much joy, and I have created a space that is solely based on community and connection. I love (almost) every interaction I have, but I absolute crave and look forward my time alone at night. I used to think that made me a bad or super lame person, or perhaps that I may have had some sort of social anxiety, but I now see how common, normal, and healing my alone time really is.

In my daily conversations with others, it’s not an uncommon response when I ask people what they did in a weekend that they absolutely light up when they respond that they got to do absolutely nothing but the mundane tasks, or that they were able to be completely alone and how good it was for their mental well being. I can hear it in their voice and see it in their body language: it brought them joy and it was exactly what they needed. It’s also not uncommon for me to see people in the coffee shop spending time alone on purpose, headphones in, writing, journaling, reading a book or just surfing the internet viewing things that interest them. By the way, that’s one of the reasons I wanted to create a coffee shop; it’s the perfect place to “be” with others but also with the universal acceptance of needing and wanting to be alone (this is also another reason I love big cities, you’re alone but also together with others, in a way).

Time away from everyone is needed, even in the extroverted. But society might label it as negative:“Is this a normal feeling? Am I weird? Is it healthy to want to be alone so much? Should I look forward to my Emily and Paris candlelit dinner so much?”

The answer is yes: It is normal and it healthy. And it may be weird, but I hope that it is to you. Weird is the only way I want to be.

I believe that we are here on earth to connect with others, to help others in our work and creatively (in whatever way that is for your unique self). Community is absolutely everything in life, and the end of the day (and your life), what matters the most is the time that you spend with those that you love and cherish. But time alone is also so necessary for our mental health and is something that should be focused on more than it is. This valuable time with no pressure to be or perform in a certain way.

This alone time with yourself is the best thing you can do for your connection with others, too. Like you can become co-dependent in relationships, you can also become dependent in a way of always surrounding yourself with others, too. And who can take the pressure?

Lately I’ve scheduled the majority of my weekday evenings to be completely alone and I can 100% say that it is helping my relationships with others. This is my time to vacuum my loft, to replant my plants, to write, to enjoy Netflix shows, to read, to walk outside, to call friends, to think about what I want to do (not what I have to do) and to just be in a way that I want to be. To piddle. To feel. To grow.

My alone time is when I rest and rejuvenate and when to get to actually know myself. My alone time is what is healing me. I’m seeing now that this alone time is one of the best ways to get to know myself. Then love myself.

Of course, this will vary between individuals. One person is going to need more or less alone time than someone else depending on their personality; you just have to learn how much alone time you need. I generally consider myself an introvert more than an extrovert and I used to feel guilty for how much time I wanted to be alone. But I don’t anymore, and you shouldn’t either.

The alone time makes the together time better; it makes you more present in the interactions you have when you’ve first spent time (true time) with yourself.

Know yourself, learn to love yourself, and never feel guilty for it. Look at alone time as a time to heal and to know yourself. To grow. To be. As my friends told me this weekend: date yourself first.

What a fun life it is.

Xx, B